i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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