You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm bleeding and have questions
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
