Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
