I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
