I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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