I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
