These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
