I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
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Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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