When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
