i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So squirting runs in the family.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
