If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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