hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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