dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
