I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
smell my finger.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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