she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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