he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
