I faked an abortion last night.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
