How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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