Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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