I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
