I should be sponsored by Trojan
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
