all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
