You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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