he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
