I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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