You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
