yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
