these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
