if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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