arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
