Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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