all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She's the barista slut.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
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It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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