Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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