i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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