We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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