I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize