alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
