I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
