What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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