marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is my gift to your gina
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
