when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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