ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
