break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
