My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
