the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
