We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
