Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize