if i can run in heels then i can drive
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
