I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
