omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
