i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
