Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize