I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
