his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
