Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This baby is an asshole
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
