the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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