Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
