Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
